First Person: Sexual Options That I’ve Learned to Enjoy as Much as Vaginal Sex

I used to think that there was only one ultimate way to achieve satisfaction, but I’ve found other avenues

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

I always thought kissing was the beginning of the dance and the prelude to the ultimate prize. Tongues dancing and wrapping around each other in a rhythmic pulsating grind would incite exploring hands, undressing and then the real reason for making love: fucking.

Isn’t that what everybody aims for?

When my wife dressed in lingerie or I was going to meet a lover, there was really one reason and that was to get laid. Yet, my appetite and desire changed due to my wife’s physical needs while introducing me to a world that I hadn’t completely experienced.

Enjoying sex was a release of tension for me as it is for many but my wife liked to have sex about once every few weeks to once a month as our marriage progressed. She said it gave her something to look forward to. I disagreed and tried talking to her that I wanted to go back to once a week or once every two weeks when we’d enjoy periods of foreplay and sexual intercourse, or anal sex which she enjoyed.

Part of the reason she wanted only once every few weeks or once a month included a physical reason. Vaginal sex was often never easy for her because her vaginal muscles could involuntarily contract, a condition known as vaginismus.

She’s not alone.

Vaginal intercourse can be painful for up to 30% of women in the United States and nearly 8% of women in Great Britain, as noted in this article on Healthline, This is How Sex Toys can Fix Painful Sex. There are ways to handle vaginismus and another condition that often causes pain, endometriosis.

During our time together, I had to move slowly to arouse her and use a lot of emotional coaxing. We didn’t talk about it much and I didn’t press her on the issue. We went almost a full year once without having vaginal sex and no more than a half dozen times in a year after that.

She deserves credit because she wanted to remedy the problem as much as possible, and ordered a set of five dilators that came in different lengths and diameters and textures of surface.